Ryan Long appoints himself Minister of Women's Behavior Change

Per Ryan Long, Australia "has officially appointed a Minister of Men's Behavior Change" but has not named a counterpart for women, so he "will be officially appointing myself, Ryan Long, to that position." He presents a sharp, enumerated list of behavior rules he says Australian women should adopt, framed as an "aggressive proposal." The rules mix social norms, relationship etiquette, and exaggerated prohibitions; key items he lists verbatim or nearly verbatim include:

• No more saying you weren't hungry and then eating off your boyfriend's plate. If you wanted that meal, you should have got that meal.
• No saying they 'aren't like other girls' and then behaving like other girls.
• No more posting every moment of your life on social media: 'You get one close to showcase what you're doing a month' and otherwise "just gonna have to live your life." Also, 'no more asking dudes to take the photos.'
• No more fist fighting with your wife (he adds this 'obviously only pertains the last days').
• Stories about work limited to 'one minute' with the stated premise delivered within the 'first 30 seconds.'
• No more shoplifting.
• No more talking behind each other's backs then pretending to be friends in public.
• OnlyFans creators 'will only be allowed to scam the same man out of money once' — 'He already got his money, keep it moving.'
• 'No more turning this sucker into a whale.'
• 'No more poisoning your husband.'
• Women will only be allowed 'one day a month to have their period' (he follows: 'Whatever changes you got to make to have that happen before I get there, I recommend you start now.').

The tone is comedic and prescriptive; the list mixes realistic social criticisms (oversharing, repetitive complaints, relationship etiquette) with hyperbolic or taboo items (limiting menstruation to 'one day a month', 'no more poisoning your husband'), which signal rhetorical exaggeration rather than policy proposals. Named entities preserved: Ryan Long, Australia, Minister of Men's Behavior Change, Minister of Women's Behavior Change, OnlyFans.