FedEx Early Morning Shift: The Speaker's Brief and Grueling Experience

The speaker recounts their brief employment at FedEx, detailing an early morning shift from 3:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. that pays the most among available options (alongside the graveyard shift). On their first day, amid approximately 20 new hires, managers select workers based on physical fitness, likened by the speaker to an 'auction block.' Immediately assigned to handle the Walmart return truck after a previous worker left due to an emergency, the speaker was assured 'it won't be that bad.'

Tasks on the heavy side involved lifting extremely heavy and awkward items: bunk beds, deep freezers, weight sets, barbecue pits, lawn mowers (including a riding model in a box), and oversized 97-inch flat screen TVs—the latter compared to lifting a 'jumbotron for the Staple Center.' The speaker describes insufficient support and critical managers urging use of proper lifting technique while ignoring the physical strain, which exacerbated tennis elbow and required ice baths post-shift. The speaker lasted 13 shifts before abruptly quitting when leaving to get water and instead walking straight to their car and going home.

The experience left the speaker angry and exhausted daily, with their wife encouraging them to quit: 'You're too angry every time you come home.' The overall sentiment is that FedEx demands excessive physical labor, with the speaker repeating, 'They need slaves, not me.' They urge others to appreciate FedEx workers, suggesting to 'kiss them, hug them, ask them how they day going, offer them a massage.'